Fucking With Fox II

In the land of the blind . . .

the seemlessness of it all

Notice anything different?
Yeah, I flunked around in the blogspot site and found some new layout options. This will most likely be changing as the days go on but here's a start.
OK i have to get back to writing cover letters and finding high paying creative jobs on Craigslist.

editors note: The management of Seemless Universe (a subsidiary of Frapulous Tranding, Incorporated) would like to apologize for the writer’s recent outbursts about troubled teens and his estimation of youth in general. His opinions are solely his own and do not express the views of Frapulous Tranding, Inc. We here at FraTrink believe all people are just little darlings no matter what their age or capacity for rational thought.

We feel confident Miller’s writing will continue to delight and amuse in the same fashion it has since its inception and in no way will be effected by his recent ordeal.

Thank you and God Bless

Lerner T. Squall
Assistant Junior Vice President
Frapulous Tranding, Incorporated


Todays Scores

Cubs 7
Orioles 4

children 3
A Big Stick 11

blank, vacant looks 14
America’s future 1

Holography 6
Argentine Tango dancers 7

words that rhyme with indifference 5
Sunshine 9

Babysitting 6
Teaching 2

Marvin Hamlisch 2
Prussians 6

assisting in the fabrication of removable prosthodontic appliances 3
Amherst College 7

theoretical physics 4
Tab Hunter 3

One Great Student 6,928,247,992
The rest of them 1

two ocean-going research vessels 6
Felix Mendelssohn 6

Stupidity 12
Reason 1

Watching your soul turn into a seven pound piece of coal in the matter of 30 hours 3
Extricating yourself in time 42

Colonial Rule 2
Rin Tin Tin's morning breath 8

bundt cake 6
Typing werds like frapulous tranding on your keyboard and then having people you don’t even know read it 19

My (short) Life As a High School Teacher

OK I don't talk too much about what is going on in my real life much but here goes....
last month i got a position teaching high school video at a charter school here in mpls.
to make a long story short, yesterday was my first day.
Today was my last.
I will start by saying 1 in 6 of the students were great!.... interested in filmmaking and attentive. Also 1 in 6 were mildly interested. That leaves the 4 in 6 or (2/3) that were little blank faced troubled teens or attitude copping troubled teens that made the whole classroom experience a living hell. I knew it was trouble when after the first day my assignment for them became: Bring a Pen.
This baby-sitting part of the job I was not prepared for.
And to be honest I just may not have the skills or the patience for this type of work.
A person has to know their limitations.
But the biggest realization i had during this experience is that i have to get to work making films, not teaching.

Todays Scores

Kids 1
Miller 0

(added 2 hours later):
addendum
i just got back from having a couple beers with my friend Holster at a local watering hole. Sitting outside where we met a great couple in their 60's? and had wonderful conversation on many subjects - a very pleasant hour.
But being such a recent escapee, it might be biasing my opinion.



(added 8 hours later)
Addendum PART II
Some people have been asking me "What's the name of this school?"
I won't print that here - let's just it call it Teen Attica.

Todays Scores

Cubs 11
White Sox 7

Romeo 5
Henry Mancini 2

Radical Islamists 1
Fruity Pebbles 7

hammocks 12
Quicktime 3

Dancing With The Stars 1
shin splints 2

the corner of 38th & Bloomington 5
Caddyshack 12

Bell & Howell 11
Ferrante & Teicher 3

eating dinner on the porch 16
cable TV 0

rectangles that start with the letter B 5
waiting in the movie theater for a loud part so you can open your beer without being heard 7

The Number Five 2
vague intergalactic polar opposites 6

a minute from now 4
Norm Crosby 3

Films made in 1959 that Stanley Kubrick never saw 3
Times New Roman 9

E.B. White 5
Ferndogs 8

Argentine literature 5
Montreal 2

calendar years starting on a Wednesday other than 1727 3
Cannonball Adderley 5

having something on your body that could be described as “fungal” 3
party balloons 15

A Confederacy of Dunces 21
Pizza Hut 2

tiny miniature moose 5
inside jokes 7

more photos from the box

OK here's yet another photo i grabbed while I was back in Elgin. I have no idea who these folks are but it was sure a bright day as evidenced by the little girl blocking out the sun with her arm. And the shadows, of course.
I haven't been blogging too much of late as some of you may have noticed. I'm trying to get ready for some high school summer classes I'm teaching starting next week. Video production & animation. whoo boy. it's one thing to do it. quite another to teach.
I'd say I'll probably learn more than the kids but that wouldn't say much for my teaching skills so I won't.



I got an interesting phone call last weekend from Dean Stockwell. He called to tell me he had his friend Dennis Hopper over the night before and they were watching my film (Uso Justo) and getting quite a kick out of it. Probably not as much of a kick as I got out of receiving his phone call but maybe.
Either way it was pretty nice of him to call and let me know this. Kinda made my day.

Wing Park, Elgin, IL.

Here's another shot culled from that box of photos back home. (Blogspot will only let you upload images 8mb or lower, which is a shame with this shot.) This looks like Wing Park on the west side of Elgin. I used to wade in this creek myself in the 60's. From the cars I'm guessing this is maybe the 30's? All the moms out there cooling their kids down. A nice shot of a much simpler time. Do yourself a favor and double click on the photo for a closer view.

Children's books are funny sometimes

ok so i buy old books and cut them up for all sorts of (artistic?) reasons.
one of those reasons is that a local restaurant owned by my good friend Kevin hired me to make their check presenters. I cut the pages out and just use the hardback cover for these. I also use the old school paper pouch/sleeve? that libraries had affixed inside the front cover - used to show when your book was due back, etc. These make perfect sleeves for the bill/credit card to slide in to.
Today I was working on some of these - perusing this children's book before i took the Exacto to it..and well, probably the less said the better here . . .

Scenic views of Elgin, IL

As I wrote in an earlier post, I came across some old family photos recently. This one's of my grandparents on my father's side (go figure). Here we see Martha And Frank enjoying a late night game of "How Many Orifices Can I Fill With Cigarettes?". As per the rules of How Many Orifices Can I Fill With Cigarettes? the loser is obligated to hit the winner in the head with a bottle. The "winner" is only allowed to use their upper arms to try and block the blows to his or her head. It's a weird game yes, but i think it explains alot.

Unidentified Male

Was back home for a few days this weekend (road trip = good for the soul) and found some old family photos so you might be seeing these in the coming futre. (in the future you can't use the same letter twice in one word).
Here's one of my mom in college with some guy. First off, nice framing here. I'm not kidding, I think it adds to the shot.
I have no idea who unidentified male is and no nothing of their relationship, but the smirk on my mom's face speaks volumes don't ya think?
I like to believe this is how she felt in general about dating guys before she met Artie. (or Dad as he is know by some.)

i don't wanna say you can find stuff just ANYwhere but occasionally you can stumble upon a book title written by an obscure sounding author just by

reading the directions on some random bottle of pills.

One Tablet

by

Mouth Daily

how this thing got it's name

Was looking through some old journals last night and thought this might be relevant to the blog

Random lines from the idiot box last night between 9:15 and 9:30 or Class: The Most Interior Room

David Zelisky's been kidnapped.

Evista should not be taken with estrogens.

Oh I love God. He's so deliciously evil

Tuesday!

The most interior room in it's class

I went out to get groceries. When i came back David was gone.

In this fast paced world isn't it nice

Just $209 a month

Now THAT'S
an american revolution

Thursday!

1. Law & Order
2. evista ad
3. Stewie from Family Guy
4. NBC promo for Law & Order SVU
5. Hyandai? ad
6. Law & order
7. KFC ad
8. toyota ad
9. Chevy ? ad
10. NBC promo for ER

untitledoodle

Pepin, Wisconsin

This Saturday night (May 10) I've been invited down to Pepin, WI to show some films at their Spring Film and Music Event.
The band Happy Apple is playing after the films and i hear they are pretty good so check it out if you are in the area.
The event is being sponsored by the fine folks at the Lake Pepin Art & Design Center and takes place at the Pepin Lion's Club! I could use a night at a Lion's Club. And who knows..maybe about 2 in the morning we'll have a carload of drunk Lions & film fans driving across town to the Elk's Club to paint "Elk Suck - Lion's Rule!!" on the side of their building.
Of course i'm not promising anything and as a disclaimer I personally have nothing against Elk. Really. Some of my best friends are Elk.


ADDENDUM: Just got a call from the folks in Pepin,WI and the venue has been changed to The Lake Pepin Art & Design Center (408 Second Street...715.442-4442 ). Something about not being able to sell beer or wine at the Lion's club. I'm glad we got that settled.

WWZS?

Famous Movie Cameras Series

Q: What Would Zapruder Shoot?

A: The Model 414 PD 8 mm Bell & Howell Zoomatic Director Series movie camera

Todays Scores

Cubs 8
Mets 1

Roy Orbison 9
gyroscopes 2

Max Planck 5
Indian Summer 6

argyle socks 3
chin music 1

the clarinet (for instance) 5
orderliness 2

euphemisms 3
trailing by one with 8 seconds left 2

orchestrated dysfunction 4
Scottsdale, Arizona 0

Rods 3
Cones 8

accelerating into 3rd gear 8
The Sisters Karamazov 7

turpentine hats 12
Mozart's fashion sense 3

writer's block 13
Karen Valentine 7

habeus corpus 8
Chuck Barris 10

running late 4
itchy fingers 6

sportcoats 5
girl trouble 3

Genghis Khan 2
soup 9

The Folks Who Gave Me Their DNA

from wikipedia: During the 1700s, Dutch microscopist Antonie van Leeuwenhoek (1632-1723) discovered "animalcules" in the sperm of humans and other animals. Some scientists speculated they saw a "little man" (homunculus) inside each sperm. These scientists formed a school of thought known as the "spermists". They contended the only contributions of the female to the next generation were the womb in which the homunculus grew, and prenatal influences of the womb. An opposing school of thought, the ovists, believed that the future human was in the egg, and that sperm merely stimulated the growth of the egg. Ovists thought women carried eggs containing boy and girl children, and that the gender of the offspring was determined well before conception.
However you look at it - without these two getting together you'd be looking at an empty page right now.

Todays Scores

Cubs 7
Pirates 3

Snoop Dog 8
Winston Churchill 5

Sandy Koufax 5
The Periodic Table 7

Joan Baez 3
rectal thermometers 8

Kentucky Derby 7
Skywalker Ranch 9

Nikola Tesla 11
Thomas Edison's soiled diapers 1

papercuts 3
Doris Day 8

congruent angles 4
Rasputin 11

Jack Lemmon's performance in Good Neighbor Sam 11
Grateful Dead lyrics 13

good friends 7
everything else 1

Bedford-Stuyvesant 6
Electric Light Orchestra 2

Denmark 7
persistence of vision 5

facing death 8
indoor plumbing 6

Sigourney Weaver 5
cartoon penguins 3

why you're still reading this 7
George Clooney's worst day 4

the whole idea of it all 5
shade 9

The Rapture 11
Spaghettio's 2

puppies 12
vehicular manslaughter 3

Man Ray 20
trousers 11

Western Civilization 5
Handi Wipes 2

random sentences.

Dancing cigarettes are harder to light.

Mediocrity is fine!

On Thursdays Velma Twinger always made time to chat with the older dolphins, even though their indifference to her night scrapbooking class made V feel somewhat melancholy.

I don't mind church services but i'd like them more if they just happened once every ten years as a reenactment.


Most people wouldn't even bother reading this sentence if they knew beforehand it was just going to end like this.

$13,457,601,882.13 is faster to write than thirteen billion, four hundred and fifty seven million, six hundred and one thousand, eight hundred and eighty two dollars and thirteen cents.

But as the crow flies, this sentence is even shorter.

The previous random sentence has little or no meaning depending on how the preferences on your computer are set, but as this blog is not about explaining itself and more about the fun-ness of words and image i would be remiss to not mention that 82% of art is rectangular.

a dozen colorful films

The Pink Panther Blue Velvet I am Curious Yellow White Chicks A Clockwork Orange Grey Gardens The Brown Bunny Marooned The Color Purple The Boy With Green Hair Red Desert Men In Black 2

disjointed collage #8

ype a manuscrip

dumpster diving for triptychs

so yesterday found me and my bloggy friend Holster knee deep in his neighbors dumpster. Shawn had already scavenged around the perimeter earlier in the week and discovered some potential there so it was up to yours truly to get in there and dig out the guts. Always wear boots and gloves when dumpster diving. ok sometimes you don't have those on ya so go with what you got. anyway our anonymous photographer seemed to like to go out and photograph cars. and alot of these negs were cut in threes. soooooo....triptychs it is.
check further posts when i may break out the scissors and then . . . . .diptychs!
which brings up the old idea of a halloween costume...strap two pieces of art to your chest and go as a Total Diptych.

technical/artistic addendum: if you look close you can get a glimpse of our photographer in the side mirror of his car. and yes i did some iDodging and iBurning to get him to come out a bit in those mirrors.

Tom Brokaw on Tom Brokaw

Today's Scores

Cubs 4
Twins 2

Ernie Kovacs 13
Stan Brakhage 1

West Aurora 3
Totie Fields 8

Lew Alcindor 5
Ornithology 1

Asians 4
Cleavon Little 8

Alexander Calder 10
mustard 2

The Spanish Inquisition 13
sporks 9

Steven Wright 11
Tuesday 5

sprocketholes 7
John Cage 8

Jerry Garcia 2
Bjorn Borg 1

Big Macs 3
pointillism 2

The Eighteenth Hole at Pebble Beach 5
Todd Farwell 9

God 2
Verbs 3

E pluribus unum 5
Youtube 1

wallpaper removal 17
Tucumcari, New Mexico 6

Professor Irwin Corey 11
your middle name 3

film 16
1963 4

what happens when you die 11
Arkansas Razorbacks 2

Elgin, Illinois 15
fake poop 6

prayer 7
Christopher Walken's dentist 3

Napoleon 9
Pia Zadora 7

Educational films & 16mm disembodied frictionHands . . . .
cl'kafjlsdhwfrictioncoincidence?

roadtrip filmstrip

double Spanish burton

Some descriptions in the dictionary are short.

verbatim (ver ba’ tim), adv. 1. in exactly the same words, word for word.

.

Rauschenberg (rou’shen burg). n. Robert, born 1925, U.S. artist.

Some descriptions in the dictionary aren't short so much.

.

dou’ble Span’ish bur’ton, a tackle having the load suspended from one of two single running blocks, supported both by the fall, which is rove through it, and by one end of a runner which is rove through the standing block and which supports at it’s other end the other running block, made in two ways, either with the standing end of the fall attached to a fixed point beside the running block, or with the fall rove through the standing block and attached to the running block, supporting the load, with a mechanical advantage of four and five, neglecting friction.

Archive: Back in the Day Series. (Photo # 327D)

Here's a picture of yours truly back in the days before email (remember those?).
it was a kinder, gentler time. maybe. this was taken back in the day when photos were taken with film. (a cellulose nitrate or acetate made in thin sheets or strips and coated with a light sensitive emulsion.) It came in perforated rolls and you would thread it into your camera. After taking a shot you would have to, and get this! MANUALLY wind the film through the camera in order to get to the next section of unexposed emulsion. Also when you took a photo there was no deleting it if you didnt like it. Once you popped the shutter you were committed. In fact you couldnt even SEE your shots until you were done with the entire roll and had it processed. AND printed.
Stay tuned for further ruminations on How We've Changed In This LifeTime!
Next week...The Dial Telephone.
maybe.

wide eyed but not so bushy tailed

kinetic sculpture + soundtrack =

branding coleman miller

While floundering around here in the job hunt one creative director, after seeing my work, told me i had to market myself. This guy was great. He actually returned my calls! (If you're reading this sir, it's most appreciated) (He's not reading this..too busy making a living as a CREATIVE DIRECTOR) Now THAT sounds like a great job. But who knows..damn i am so lost as to how those places work i might as well be applying for work on Mars. As a glurnatologist. and i have no formal training in glurnatology. just a passing interest really. but i digress.
"aw shucks you guys I'm not lookin' for a handout... just a hand".
it's starting to look like im gonna have to do this the old fashioned way. DIY.
yeah thats it. by this time next year I'll have produced my first Super Bowl commercial, I'll be living in my Laurel Canyon house with my superspokesmodel wife and our three superspokeskids and I'll be driving a classic 1965 cherry red Asti Spumante.
Yeah, I got it all figured out.

drilling for oil in a goldmine

Have been busy looking for work in this world and not feeling that bloggy so it’s been awhile yes readers searching for the almighty dollar and whatever that entails trying to market myself in a world of commercialism and commercials and the ordinary after spending a life believing in the unordinary (the more unordinary the better!). Trying to get my foot in the door of where the money is. Showing my art to the man and getting less than exhuberant reactions. Rethinking skills and making the jump as it were.
Damn. Something will give soon, it has to. If anybody out there who has seen my work and knows of a company/person who could use these skills -let me know. Housepainting and demolition work is taking it’s toll on this 48 year old body. Rather use my brain for awhile.
Looking for work . . .Feels like I’m drilling for oil in a goldmine.
so yeah this taking up my time so might be posting more visual stuff for a spell instead of words . . .comes easier to me these days.

Church of the Holy Coincidence.

I haven’t written too much on my ideas on religion and god but it's about time to let 'em out. The planet's been hijacked by ignorance and mythology and there really is no end in sight.
The following are some random thoughts from the journals:

Like an old hound dog religion has treed us. It’s all in our heads. Take a look..the dog is old, lame and blind. Climb out of the tree, stand on your own two feet and go help some others get out of those trees. It’s a start.

We change with the time. Our spirituality is too important to disregard each generations ideas. It’s the humans that are alive now that can save us. Not our dead heroes in books. It can happen in your lifetime. This is something to pray for. But not to a god. Pray to everyone living. Put your faith in the human race.

Big Bang? More like a Cosmic Ejaculation..

If religion has taught us anything it is this:

Get 'em When They’re Young.

Church of the Holy Coincidence.
No Guilt.
No Sin.
No Father/Sky god judging us.
All the old bets are off.

This planets ignorance in regards to spiritual evolution is shameful. We may be the laughing stock of the universe.

It's time for churches to start keeping the books and pay up.
Our government gives em a free pass.
Church & State - Totally in bed together.
It's time for religion to stop sucking off the tit of society.

the thing i refuse to buy into (re: religions) is they make their gods so petty. not only do they give these gods very human characteristics, but the very worst of them. Vindictive. Egomaniacal. Petty. (Notice i said "not only do they give these gods.." who can argue- we humans were the ones who came up with this grand idea of gods and later "a" god) so yes, we give our gods their traits. Lets' not fool ourselves ladies and gentlemen - it's all us.
if there is a god i can safely say he/she/it has not communicated with us. Certainly not by giving us "his rules"


Getting "over" religion will take awhile (understatement) and will be a huge human hurdle. And a great day. The Huge Human Hurdle.

How to write a movie

A lot of people are asking “How can I come up with new and interesting film ideas?” And now the answer is as easy as A, B, three. . . All you need is a TV Guide. First go to the back and peruse the films playing and their brief descriptions. Here are some examples:

“A cowpoke is accused of murder but escapes to track down the real culprit and win the hand of the girl he loves”

“A runaway kid meets ups with a factory worker on his way to an arm wrestling competition and they become friends”

“A brother and sister who were condemned to eternal death 12,000 years ago must eat virgins to keep their bodies from rotting”

OK what does this tell us? Well first we need a main character or characters….
So let’s go back to our tv guide.

A powerful NY gangster
A French schoolboy
The Caped Crusader
A paralyzed man
An aimless tv salesman
A minneapolis waitress
A blind Australian
Members of a film crew
A circus owner
General Douglas MacArthur
A 16th century thief

Now we need a dilema or a conflict or just something that happens:

Gets a taste of high society.
Hooks up with a widows teenage daughter.
Assumes the mantle of a superhero.
Video tapes her affair with a married Detroit salesman.
Decide to take their act to Bolivia.
Is surrounded by a bevy of beautiful students.

Now we just mix and match to our hearts content:

An aimless tv salesman decides to take his act to Bolivia.

A French schoolboy is accused of murder but escapes to track down the real culprit and win the hand of a minneapolis waitress

A paralyzed man and a circus owner hook up with a widows teenage daughter and become friends.

General Douglas MacArthur assumes the mantle of a superhero.

A 16th century thief video tapes her affair with a married Detroit salesman.

Members of a film crew get a taste of high society and become a blind Australian.

A powerful NY gangster and General Douglas MacArthur are surrounded by a bevy of beautiful students and must eat virgins to keep their bodies from rotting.

Voila! You're a screenwriter.

drinking about films

Random Journal Entry


Last night wITh fRiends watchInG aNd
talking anD drinkinG about Films.

trust me

maps of the cow

here's more languagey stuff ...

i took a handful of my recent blog posts and put em through our SuperSecretTRanslatorFunMachine. (English to Spanish and back to English.) Our SuperSecretTRanslatorFunMachine likes to inject the 'of word' quite often while translating words and their offspring so take it or leave it. I didnt edit any of these - just picked em as i saw em. The entire translations are below (for you WerdGluttons, translateMongers, ofLovers, etc)- but here now are the top wordmoments, or so i thought . . .


Passwords of the Father

the maps of the cow of the disease of madonna

the poetry of poems

pictures of the pictures of the PICTURES of the Pics of pics of picpost of the photos of the photos of the photography

ticketmaster of thumbzilla

huns of humor

The Island of the email
Canguelo rejected!

whispering silencer

the map of the angry search of the map


quotations of the fibromyalgia of the fished ones

the free fabric of the email of the tests of the sources of the game of the direct transferences
White Target

Spasmo of the Art
the bestiality of the baseball of the bottoms of the names of the baby

the idiots of April

the maps of the route of the
route of the translator

Chinese War Five


bukkake of the icons


legal gentleman of the blue book
the modernity of the death converter


Shakespeare of Serialz

of the dog of the dog of the chaste ones of the dog!

the maps of way
serpents that smoke

I am speaking here of the orations of the use

the women of winzip

HorseradishTree Gazzara

Yahoo de Yahoo Yahoo of yahoo

Era hour

approval of failures

Madhouse of the hmmm.
The Island Pricks
Tubular Powders

The Fabric of the Weather Message.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

_________________________

82 Words for Splank

The eskimo language Yupik has been estimated to have approximately 24 words for snow. In keeping with this theory my apartment has 82 words or phrases for "a fucking mess". It started when i came up with the phrase for the grizzled charred pizza strands hanging from the grill inside my oven.
Pizza Scoundrels.
After coming up with this i started looking around my apartment..
Piles of stuff in corners, unfinished sculptures, stacks of crazed semi ideas, forgotten projects, it all added up. Here then is the list of small and glorious sections of disarray at TeamMiller Headquarters:

Creeping Nitch, Chelm, Art Phlegm, Whispering Squelch, Y'melmahay, Corner Thingees, Disinterpreted Norp,Resting Urk, Table of Contents, Silent Gargle, Dwellers, Interfangle, Unfinished Nerbs,Discarded Funk, Frutz, Mess Throng,
Skrulk, Big Bang, Junk Attack,Yesterdays Explosion, Balancing Frax, Murder One, Mini Scrutz, Fuckit, a Pile of Fuckit, a Lingering Pile of Fuckit, Yobobo, Curbsters/Curblings, Past History,Incarcerated Wingdings, Talminkle,
a Pile of Brakhage, Headache, Disproportionate Flink, Art Spasm, Falling Backwash,
Stacked Frangles, Leaning Twilch,Wasted Idea, Sprawling Nooch,Sculpture Burp, a Roomful of Me,
Sri Larry,Filthco, Window Squelch,Once Proud, Sliders,
Scattered Change,Trigger Happy, Meandering Filth,Cornered Fernlings, Idea Pile,Tow Jam, Hangdog Sink, the Unforgiven, Grandfathers, Latners, Scattered Froop, Kranch, Truncated Nurt, Rectangular Gruttz,Dirty Melvit, Fart Collage,Diagonal Tharch, Wandering Blutz, So Yesterday, Chankle, Standing Felch, NoOne’s Lark,
Fixated Whereabouts, Yummsters,Pile o' Shame, Frantic Laziness, Salt Lick,
Tripping Little Epiphanies, Ancient Grease, Concentrated Miller,Splank, Not Exactly Hallmark, Forgotten Schmutz, Leaning Beige,
Wall Twirch & Floor Splat.

The crowd goes nuts.

Now that the relative smoke has cleared from Khartoum and our british school teacher (Gillian Gibbons) is back home safe and sound we thought it prudent here at TeamMiller to get to the root of the problem. Tonight in our studio we have a special guest. Please put your hands together folks for Muhammad the Teddy Bear!!
(wild applause as the TeamMiller house band plays a funky tripped out version of Who Let the Dogs Out)
Muhammad appears stage right pumping his fist in the air and performs a highly animated two step over toward Miller.
MILLER: (yelling over the clapping and the band) "They LOVE You!!"
Muhammed The Teddy Bear suspends both arms over his head and continues pumping his arms in this fashion so as to "raise the roof".
The crowd goes nuts. Muhammad The Teddy Bear now genuflects the crowd and then bolts upright and poses with one hand to his ear as his opposite hip is thrust out in the universal mock sign of "I can't hear you". The crowd goes nuts. The band keeps playing LOUDER NOW. Muhammad The Teddy Bear now jumps to the center of the stage and wiggles his hips back and forth culminating in his now signature move of licking on his paw and then pressing it hard on his outstretched furry buttocks as he had done earlier in the week on Oprah. And now the crowd is peeing itself. Literally.
This only energizes Muhammad The Teddy Bear and he runs over next to Miller and tears open his fuzzy torso and starts tossing his wooly insides over the top of himself and Miller as it falls lightly in the air like furry brown confetti. Cut to Close up of the two laughing and yelling into each others ears as Muhammad The Teddy Bear keeps flipping his insides over the two. Now Miller in uncontrolled enthusiasm reaches into Muhammad The Teddy Bear and starts flipping more of his insides over the two of them as Muhammad The Teddy Bear feigns shock at so much of himself being discarded for a sight gag. He quickly gets down on the floor on his back and attempts to catch as much of his fur back into his chest cavity. Making the crowd go....
FLASH CUT to: a crowd of Muslims in Khartoum, Sudan watching this all take place on a small black and white television and thinking : "Those people are nuts".

a picture's worth a bunch of words

i know it might look like these hands are praying but in reality they were on a 16mm educational film called "Friction & It's Effects". ok i'd write more but i'm already up to 1,025 including the picture and not including this sentence.

Celebrating the Stupid (#1 in a series?)

some ideas are just so stupid they might actually work. then again. . . . was recently leafing through some old sketch/workbooks and came upon this. now it must have been something i thought had something (validity?) because i spent the time to spell it out on a whole page..

my only notes were on the preceding page..."comedy skit..wetnurse horse - old female horse feeds a different starving foal each week. Hilarious. But play it serious?"
and this . . .
"si-nop'sis : The McMiller's live on a farm in Battletown, Kentucky with their horse, Esmerelda"
hmmmmm.
i can see the pitch .."you see it's like Lassie meets My Friend Flicka meets Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman meets Mrs. Ed. It's an in your face drama which exposes one of the major issues of our time - Starving Baby Horses! Did you know that for every starving baby horse in the world there are 327,ooo tons of oats! Why are these baby horses starving??!! and what can we do?
two words . . .Wetnurse Horse. That's all i'm saying.

Less of the same, please.

Humanity Series # 22 - From hunters and gatherers to drivers and shoppers in 2,000 years'good porn name : Magic Wand&spaghetti western relationship . . .A Fistful of Honesty J26 characters in a world they didnt invent<LI'm not ashamed to admit it..through creative business tactics and a keen sense of the market, i was able to become a multi-thousandaire by the time i was 40. And so can you!"Celebrity marriage wagering . ..whats the over/under on Bradjelina? bThe Greatest Story Never ToldY guy falls in love with a photographer named Iris wseemingly disorderB
jE r n i e Kovacs, J e r r y Garcia & D o c k Ellis j
Express AbstRactionisM!S if human nature tended toward contentment we'd still be living in caves} Special OccasionseHumanity Series # 47 - Curious For A Reasoni Haywire Wayside bZen and the Art of Motorcycle AccidentsVFictitious Dieties . .(where do we begin?)

Self Promoting, shamelessly

OK, OK..i have to make this short..need to go scrape some doors over in Edina. (it's a living) I have 4 films playing at the Walker on the 29th of November. And it's free. Check it out. of course you can always click the link over to the right and watch one of them online, but it's much, MUCH more fun to watch it in a crowded theater. trust me.
And doesn't "Festival of Appropriation" sound much better than "Celebration of Swiped Imagery"?

Slow News Day

here's a very short test for the F of it. this piece was quite a bit longer but I guess i need to keep 'em under 100 mb to get it up on this site. damn. need to figure out these compression rates..the extended dance version of this is much funnier...hopefully there will be more..