Wednesday, December 26, 2007

maps of the cow

here's more languagey stuff ...

i took a handful of my recent blog posts and put em through our SuperSecretTRanslatorFunMachine. (English to Spanish and back to English.) Our
SuperSecretTRanslatorFunMachine likes to inject the 'of word' quite often while translating words and their offspring so take it or leave it. I didnt edit any of these - just picked em as i saw em. The entire translations are below (for you WerdGluttons, translateMongers, ofLovers, etc)- but here now are the top wordmoments, or so i thought . . .

Passwords of the Father

the maps of the cow of the disease of madonna

the poetry of poems

pictures of the pictures of the PICTURES of the Pics of pics of picpost of the photos of the photos of the photography

ticketmaster of thumbzilla
huns of humor
The Island of the email
Canguelo rejected!

whispering silencer

the map of the angry search of the map

quotations of the fibromyalgia of the fished ones

the free fabric of the email of the tests of the sources of the game of the direct transferences
White Target

Spasmo of the Art
the bestiality of the baseball of the bottoms of the names of the baby

the idiots of April

the maps of the route of the
route of the translator

Chinese War Five

bukkake of the icons

legal gentleman of the blue book
the modernity of the death converter

Shakespeare of Serialz

of the dog of the dog of the chaste ones of the dog!

the maps of way

serpents that smoke

I am speaking here of the orations of the use

the women of winzip

HorseradishTree Gazzara

Yahoo de Yahoo Yahoo of yahoo

Era hour

approval of failures
Madhouse of the hmmm.
The Island Pricks
Tubular Powders

The Fabric of the Weather Message.



Sunday, December 16, 2007

82 Words for Splank

The eskimo language Yupik has been estimated to have approximately 24 words for snow. In keeping with this theory my apartment has 82 words or phrases for "a fucking mess". It started when i came up with the phrase for the grizzled charred pizza strands hanging from the grill inside my oven.
Pizza Scoundrels.
After coming up with this i started looking around my apartment..
Piles of stuff in corners, unfinished sculptures, stacks of crazed semi ideas, forgotten projects, it all added up. Here then is the list of small and glorious sections of disarray at TeamMiller Headquarters:

Creeping Nitch, Chelm, Art Phlegm, Whispering Squelch, Y'melmahay, Corner Thingees, Disinterpreted Norp,Resting Urk, Table of Contents, Silent Gargle, Dwellers, Interfangle, Unfinished Nerbs,Discarded Funk, Frutz, Mess Throng,
Skrulk, Big Bang, Junk Attack,Yesterdays Explosion, Balancing Frax, Murder One, Mini Scrutz, Fuckit, a Pile of Fuckit, a Lingering Pile of Fuckit, Yobobo, Curbsters/Curblings, Past History,Incarcerated Wingdings, Talminkle,
a Pile of Brakhage, Headache, Disproportionate Flink, Art Spasm, Falling Backwash,
Stacked Frangles, Leaning Twilch,Wasted Idea, Sprawling Nooch,Sculpture Burp, a Roomful of Me,
Sri Larry,Filthco, Window Squelch,Once Proud, Sliders,
Scattered Change,Trigger Happy, Meandering Filth,Cornered Fernlings, Idea Pile,Tow Jam, Hangdog Sink, the Unforgiven, Grandfathers, Latners, Scattered Froop, Kranch, Truncated Nurt, Rectangular Gruttz,Dirty Melvit, Fart Collage,Diagonal Tharch, Wandering Blutz, So Yesterday, Chankle, Standing Felch, NoOne’s Lark,
Fixated Whereabouts, Yummsters,Pile o' Shame, Frantic Laziness, Salt Lick,
Tripping Little Epiphanies, Ancient Grease, Concentrated Miller,Splank, Not Exactly Hallmark, Forgotten Schmutz, Leaning Beige,
Wall Twirch & Floor Splat.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

The crowd goes nuts.

Now that the relative smoke has cleared from Khartoum and our british school teacher (Gillian Gibbons) is back home safe and sound we thought it prudent here at TeamMiller to get to the root of the problem. Tonight in our studio we have a special guest. Please put your hands together folks for Muhammad the Teddy Bear!!
(wild applause as the TeamMiller house band plays a funky tripped out version of Who Let the Dogs Out)
Muhammad appears stage right pumping his fist in the air and performs a highly animated two step over toward Miller.
MILLER: (yelling over the clapping and the band) "They LOVE You!!"
Muhammed The Teddy Bear suspends both arms over his head and continues pumping his arms in this fashion so as to "raise the roof".
The crowd goes nuts. Muhammad The Teddy Bear now genuflects the crowd and then bolts upright and poses with one hand to his ear as his opposite hip is thrust out in the universal mock sign of "I can't hear you". The crowd goes nuts. The band keeps playing LOUDER NOW. Muhammad The Teddy Bear now jumps to the center of the stage and wiggles his hips back and forth culminating in his now signature move of licking on his paw and then pressing it hard on his outstretched furry buttocks as he had done earlier in the week on Oprah. And now the crowd is peeing itself. Literally.
This only energizes Muhammad The Teddy Bear and he runs over next to Miller and tears open his fuzzy torso and starts tossing his wooly insides over the top of himself and Miller as it falls lightly in the air like furry brown confetti. Cut to Close up of the two laughing and yelling into each others ears as Muhammad The Teddy Bear keeps flipping his insides over the two. Now Miller in uncontrolled enthusiasm reaches into Muhammad The Teddy Bear and starts flipping more of his insides over the two of them as Muhammad The Teddy Bear feigns shock at so much of himself being discarded for a sight gag. He quickly gets down on the floor on his back and attempts to catch as much of his fur back into his chest cavity. Making the crowd go....
FLASH CUT to: a crowd of Muslims in Khartoum, Sudan watching this all take place on a small black and white television and thinking : "Those people are nuts".

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

a picture's worth a bunch of words

i know it might look like these hands are praying but in reality they were on a 16mm educational film called "Friction & It's Effects". ok i'd write more but i'm already up to 1,025 including the picture and not including this sentence.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Celebrating the Stupid (#1 in a series?)

some ideas are just so stupid they might actually work. then again. . . . was recently leafing through some old sketch/workbooks and came upon this. now it must have been something i thought had something (validity?) because i spent the time to spell it out on a whole page..
my only notes were on the preceding page..."comedy skit..wetnurse horse - old female horse feeds a different starving foal each week. Hilarious. But play it serious?"
and this . . .
"si-nop'sis : The McMiller's live on a farm in Battletown, Kentucky with their horse, Esmerelda"


i can see the pitch .."you see it's like Lassie meets My Friend Flicka meets Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman meets Mrs. Ed. It's an in your face drama which exposes one of the major issues of our time - Starving Baby Horses! Did you know that for every starving baby horse in the world there are 327,ooo tons of oats! Why are these baby horses starving??!! and what can we do?
two words . . .Wetnurse Horse. That's all i'm saying.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Less of the same, please.

Humanity Series # 22 - From hunters and gatherers to drivers and shoppers in 2,000 years'good porn name : Magic Wand&spaghetti western relationship . . .A Fistful of Honesty J26 characters in a world they didnt invent<LI'm not ashamed to admit it..through creative business tactics and a keen sense of the market, i was able to become a multi-thousandaire by the time i was 40. And so can you!"Celebrity marriage wagering . ..whats the over/under on Bradjelina? bThe Greatest Story Never ToldY guy falls in love with a photographer named Iris wseemingly disorderB
jE r n i e Kovacs, J e r r y Garcia & D o c k Ellis j
xpress AbstRactionisM!S if human nature tended toward contentment we'd still be living in caves} Special OccasionseHumanity Series # 47 - Curious For A Reasoni Haywire Wayside bZen and the Art of Motorcycle AccidentsVFictitious Dieties . .(where do we begin?)

Friday, November 9, 2007

Self Promoting, shamelessly

OK, OK..i have to make this short..need to go scrape some doors over in Edina. (it's a living) I have 4 films playing at the Walker on the 29th of November. And it's free. Check it out. of course you can always click the link over to the right and watch one of them online, but it's much, MUCH more fun to watch it in a crowded theater. trust me.
And doesn't "Festival of Appropriation" sound much better than "Celebration of Swiped Imagery"?

Monday, November 5, 2007

Slow News Day

here's a very short test for the F of it. this piece was quite a bit longer but I guess i need to keep 'em under 100 mb to get it up on this site. damn. need to figure out these compression rates..the extended dance version of this is much funnier...hopefully there will be more..

Friday, October 19, 2007

random entries from the current journal (Miscellaneous Various)

It's come to this . . .Corporations selling us minutes. cc captioning mistypings on tv tonight:mod rat republicans. Look at you! livin' in your white castle. In The Band Or Not In The Band? take a photo of a local band with two other people in the shot..all album covery looking. viewers job to decide . .. who is or is not in the band. Ben Gazzara the 69 Mets Man Ray. The thing about autobiographies is you can only do it on one person. a cinema on the spot...little or no graphics...probably a bad name for your graphics firm ..when your receptionist answers the phone "Little or No Graphics. How may i direct your call? " To Catch a Predator - ..these sad, F-ed up men and their lives crumbling apart in someone's kitchen. like watching a car wreck. that rabbi the best so far for my money. watching people plead...i dunno picking the right religion .. they make it all's just a crapshoot..where you are born. Church of God the Verb. Think. all the religions say they are The One. if that's so then all the rest are null and void regarding the afterlife. (talk about positive spin...reruns now an "encore presentation" and death is "afterlife") God is hope repackaged. Now that we know this . .Let's just bring back hope! favorite quote from the bible to use against them : "The truth will set you free". SockRay Blue!! Shawn tonight . . . a few too many cocktails gave him a headful of thunder. words are just agreed upon. Don't Fuck with Wendy Testaburger! when your eyes are shut, you can see to infinity . Earth: Making It Up As We Go Along. each finished film is ultimately the answer. when you started it was still just a question - to play with and take on down a path of your own choosing. character name: Tao Jones. Go with God..... Just go! The Fag That Broke the Camels Back. Consciousness: the continuous situation. When your planet gets filled with martyrs . .it doesn't bode well. character in film: Rapper who has a panda bear named Bling Bling. good comedy club name: Hilarity & Sue's. No boogieman is an island.character in the story goes into a store to buy some context. good documentary idea . . .The History of Tomorrow. It's actually pretty wonderful that the universe always remains this constant mystery . .keeps us forever curious.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Bill Paxton is a National Treasure!

Ok last night i watched a film none of you have ever seen. The Dark Backward. see? i told you.
Judd Nelson and Bill Paxton play garbage collectors in a world filled with garbage. in one scene they walk behind the garbage truck tossing in random crap they pick up off the street which is COVERED in trash. some of the tosses make it into the truck, some don't. whatever. (for those who know me it's like me cleaning my apartment. enough said. that would be for another blog entry.)
Oh, and along the way in this film, Judd Nelson grows an arm out of his back, which seems to help his career as the worst stand up comic ever. Every time he takes the stage he is COVERED in flopsweat. "Comics with two arms are a dime a dozen", says Wayne Newton at one point as the slimy talent agent, Jackie Chrome.
But back to Mr. Paxton. His portrayal of Gus the accordian playing sidekick is Amazing, Disgusting and WAY over the top. Bill Paxton. Who IS this guy? a genius? or just another guy from Texas? Both, i say!!
a couple years ago he directed and starred in Frailty. a twisted film with religious overtones and subtle humor. In the theater I was in tears laughing at some shit while the rest of the audience looked at me like i was a freak. (It's happened before - I'm used to it.)
anyway, Bill Paxton. Wow. Keep an eye on this guy.
OK, i have important stuff to do as far as you know . . . .

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Thursday, September 27, 2007


I'm putting up a quicktime test here just to see how it plays online. it looks great on Final Cut Pro while i'm editing, but here it loses all it's detail. damn. more coming but this is a little disconcerting. maybe i should just go back to 16mm.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

self portrait as outsider artist

you wore judgment volcanoes over me

here's an old exercise in making up sentences...
click to enlarge, i think . . . .

Monday, September 3, 2007

Is This a Test?

Please answer to the best of your ability.

1. Which of the following best describes your feelings about this first question?

a. Confusion
b. Annoyance
c. Laughter
d. Scorn

2. When taking tests regarding things and stuff, do answers come easy to you?

a. yes
b. no

3. When answering the previous question, if there had been a third option, 'sometimes" would you have checked that instead?

a. yes
b. no
c. sometimes

4. If you were a test, which of the following would you be?

a. Drivers
b. I.Q.
c. Breathalyzer
d. Rorschach

5. Looking back, would you say your life has been:

a. easy
b. difficult
c. sometimes

6. What word or phrase would best describe this question?

a. yes
b. no
c. only in an emergency
d. is this some kind of a joke?

(if you answered "D", please go to question 6a.)

6A. If this is some kind of joke, who or what is the joke 'on' ?

a. the status quo
b. test taking in general
c. yourself
d. them

(if you answered "C", please go to question 6B)

6B Oh come on! We're just having fun here, OK?

a. OK.
b. not OK.

(If you answered "B", go to 6c, for chrissakes)

6C. What's your fucking problem?

a. little or no sense of humor.
b. questionable upbringing.
c. Republican.
d. just not that into this kind of stuff.

7. Would you say you are more of an answer or more of a question?

a. answer.
b. question.

8. Would your friends say you are more of a blueprint or a haiku?

a. blueprint
b. haiku.

9. If your life is a baseball game, what inning are you in?

a. 1st
b. 2nd
c. 3rd
d. 4th
e. 5th
f. 6th
g. 7th
h. 8th
i. 9th
j. extra innings
k. one out in the bottom of the fifth, with the score tied. men on first and third and Derek Lee up.
l. I'm more into football.

10. Would you rather have pizza or sex?

a. pizza.
b. sex.
c. sometimes.
I'm more into football.

11. Is this test almost over?

a. yes

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Alphabet prose #1

Another beautiful camera describes everything.
Fail-safe gumbo heads issue jumbled knowledge like manmade normalcy.
Oysters panic quietly, repressing sarcasm.
Tiny unpaid volunteers wash x-rated yucky zippers.

woof world

I've been reading the dictionary again lately and have found some more interesting things. Yes there are the descriptions, meanings, pronunciations and all those other facts we crave and adore. But if you step back, metaphorically speaking, and really explore the book with a naïve curiosity you can find those beautiful things you weren't looking for in the first place. It all started for me with the Guide Words. Those two words linked together randomly and forever at the top of each page, telling us exactly where we're at, alphabetically. The first pair of these that caught my eye was:

macaroni madhouse

Hmmm. That's kind of an interesting find. Not only does it roll off the tongue but it conjures up boisterous images of excitable pasta.
I wondered if there were more of these two word chance poems so I dug further:

insane inspiration

monosyllabic moon

let's liberalize

tuneful turf

homosexual hooray

externally Ezra

hallucinatory handicap

arrogant articulation

Newtonian night

elf emancipation

llama lockup

flirtation floss

island itch

woof world

The place was nuts with 'em! Elf emancipation?! I love this book. Now go find some of your own.

Next I realized the book was smothered with fiction. The dictionary!? This holy reference book of all that is factual? That's right. Somewhere in the bowels of the dictionary company there are men and women writing fiction for our literary edification. I'm talking here of the usage sentences. Those short italicized sentences with our word used in them.
My old Thornton Barnhart Junior Dictionary copyright 1965 is full of the shortest pieces of fiction written. For starters, there's this woman Mary and she is all over this book:

They named the baby Mary.

Mary knows all her chickens by name.

Mary abhors snakes.

Mary loitered along the street, looking into all the shopwindows.

Mary held the baby.

Mary seems to be a popular name in 1965. There were a few references to Ruth, a couple to Helen but Mary seems to be the girl of choice here. Of course like most good books there were a variety of characters:

In a fit of abstraction Ed forgot to eat.

It was a lifeless party until Tony came.

Senator Tompkins is sure he will get support from the grass roots.

John's room was a chaotic mess of clothes, books and toys.

James married Ida.

It was time for some heavier artillery. The grade school dictionary has a simple beauty but I was ready for my Webster's Unabridged. This is where it got scary. Did I mention it was a hot day? And humid? It was. And so I opened her up and looked for the first italicized sentence I could find:

Time just seems to creep along on these hot summer days.

OK. So it's going to be like that, huh? This dictionary meant business. None of this windowshopping and chicken naming stuff.

Don't build your future on dreams.

The misery of his loneliness was now compounded by his poverty.

I hope to be myself again soon.

and so it goes . . .

Her Lucid Medusa

Like a shady imposter, her lawn tennis was secondary to his rising jalopy.

Dirty filthy lucidity, a narrow adornment unnoticed.

The davenport spelled trouble.

His hasty timber a shadowy Portugal.

Fragrant rules like
suddenly mythical.

To is of means is a one of just really.

In regards to edible pirouettes, she delivered.

Mr. Jones' God is almost a treasure!

Clumsy fur come running face.

His methodical sensibility sprang open like a brokenhearted epiphany.

them words was just angular and curvy
doodles with and without meaning.

Her lucid medusa danced a ferocious geometry.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Words flail me.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

fashion statement

sometimes in life your elders will dress you in clothes you might not have picked yourself if you had been able to fully comunicate your ideas of fashion in an articulate manner. In this photo, Grandma Coleman and i enjoy each others company at 714 Augusta Avenue. i'm guessing they picked up this outfit on one of their trips to florida.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

I'm a copywriter, I think

Hey get me ! I'm a copywriter. Since no one will hire me to write copy (not enough experience) i figured i could start from the ground up. I was paid a cigarette and a long pull on a bottle of Thunderbird. I'm on my way!!

Saturday, May 19, 2007

twelve classmates

here's a picture of me and eleven of my class mates circa 1972. (If you're reading this you probably weren't born yet) but here is another test in spilling images onto this page.

from upper left: Timmy Johnson, Charlie Knowles, Scott Miller, Bob Nelson, Jeff Wisser, Mike Thompson, Jeff Phillips, Marianne Mosiman, Jo Ann Selin, Yolanda Tamayo, Keith Rauschenberger, Steve Izatt.

girl, sweeping

here's a test I'm doing with putting up images. This is a picture of me cleaning my apartment. HA! trick answer . .apartments don't need cleaning. sheesh.
Hey Shawn!! Thanks for setting me up on this blogshit. still lots to do before i "go public" - getting my blogchops down.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Questions and answers.

Evites are for E-holes.

If “they” are right then 3 heads must be better than 2.

In regards to the finer things in life . . .Who says?

Is the universe provable?

Warren Moon has no effect on the earth’s tides, as far as we know.

If you believe in God . . . Lookout!! There’s a vampire behind you!!

Barden’s Ping Pong roommate turned out not to be.

The answer to life is unspellable.

Ways to not spend money….Stop going into stores.

Leave it to Jesus.

Don’t believe everything you read.