Saturday, December 20, 2008

Dock Ellis R.I.P.

Dock Ellis the great pitcher with the Pittsburgh Pirates in the 70's has died.
Ellis went 138-119 with a 3.46 ERA from 1968-79. He went 19-9 in 1971 when Pittsburgh won the World Series, and made his only All-Star appearance that summer.
But the one game that he will be remembered for is in 1970 in San Diego. Dock got the news he was pitching the first game in a doubleheader even though he was not originally scheduled to pitch. So what do most people in 1970 do when they have the day off? That's right - they drop acid. And that's exactly what Dock did. Before he got the call.
Now you may be asking yourself - how bad did Dock Ellis pitch that day? Well for one he walked 8 batters. AND he pitched a no hitter. A fucking no hitter ON ACID!!
I'm guessing they won't be putting up a plaque about this in Cooperstown.
But it has to be of some help when your glove is telling you how to pitch to certain guys.
Either way Dock Ellis was a favorite of mine when I was still a little leaguer and had no clue of this story. R.I.P, Dock.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

one week ago

today I'm layering myself in sweaters before going outside . .last week was a bit nicer while hanging art in southern california. damn.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Scintillating Film Theory Conversation Going On Over Here

It's good to have good friends you can talk about anything with.
I have a friend (let's call him "Shawn" to protect his identity) and he's learning about all things video. Wants to make short digital pieces and has already made a handful. He's actually been more prolific than yours truly of late but that's for another blog post.
So he's asking me all kinds of questions now since I've made a few. Plus I'm trying to turn him on to the masters. Bruce Conner. Ernie Kovacs. Tarkovsky. To name 3.
The other night he was over and i played him a Tarkovsky film. His films could be described as slow. But Brilliant.
Anyway we watch films and have scintillating conversations while watching.
For instance during this particular Tarkovsky film (The Stalker) "Shawn" got up to use the bathroom. Here then is that dialogue in it's entirety.

Miller: "Do you want me to pause this?"

: "No, I'm not riveted to every moment" (Leaves living room and heads down the hall)

: "That's cuz you're a DICK."

So yeah, we like to watch and discuss films. And I think I'm helping. It's important to get your ideas out. And even more important to have friends you can discuss film theory with that understand the rudiments of a healthy dialogue.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Religion! of my favorite topics.
Saw this on youtube awhile back and have to say George Carlin is spot on. I couldn't put this any better myself but i will continue to try. In the meantime I'm gonna act all moral and upright and human just because it feels better, not so i can get into heaven.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Seemless Universe Xmas Card

I've been mailing out handmade christmas postcards to friends for about 30 years now. this is about the time of year i need to get my ideas together and get em out. some years i waited a bit too long and then sent out happy new years cards instead. this is probably more my speed anyway. this whole "son of god" thing is really a bit much dontcha think? i mean it's a cute story for sure but do we want to base our lives around it? i think not.
Wait! Was was that sound??!! Oh that must be my mother rolling over in her grave at her son writing this stuff. sorry mom. but you taught me well. Not that my mom was that religious . .(hell we were Methodists!...arguably the most unreligious of the was a place to kill time on Sunday morning before going to the Pancake House) She was quite an active participant around the church but in looking back I realize now it was all around the social events..not the religious. And the whole god thing didn't follow us back home. Here's the extent of our religion around the house on Augusta Avenue . . .we would say grace before Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter meals. That's it. And a few of those were from my Grandfather on my dad's side saying "Good bread, good meat, good god let's eat".
Anyway i digress...i was meaning to just say if you wanted to receive a Seemless Universe christmas/happy new year/ holiday card in the mail just send me your mailing address to, with the subject heading Where's my xmas card at?
if i get too many requests i'll have to put a kibosh on it but by the looks of the statcounter i should be OK. We'll see.
And here's another idea....dunno if this will take or not but here goes....if after sending me your address via my email- if you'd post your (snail mail) mailing address in the comment box you could choose a fellow reader and send them a card! how bout those apples?
this might be a bit much for people to want to give up on the internet but if you have another idea lemme know. this half baked or what?
we'll see!
And it looks like i'm leaving friday for L.A. and the southwest for a couple weeks so . . . .well, I'll keep ya posted.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

A Way With Words: How To Be All Eloquent

The key to being more eloquenter than you were before is to articulate words in a fancy order that not only makes people think you know stuff but leaves them with a warm and somewhat fuzzy feeling about these things without really knowing why.
Most people aren’t born all eloquent and stuff. Remember – Even people who speak really, really good (Barack Obama, William F. Buckley, Tracy Morgan) did not start out with a headful of beautiful and transitory words at their disposal. They were small babies just like I and you, barely able to discern small differences between a spoon and a heart lung machine. Talking good takes hard work and some other stuff probably. I don’t have all the answers.
But I’m almost pretty sure that way, way back in the past words came first from the mouth and then later someone much smarter than you figured out how to render these words into a visual form of sorts - thus the written language some people still use today! In fact without this thought transformation to the page we wouldn’t have any blogs today. We would have skipped right to vlogs.
Conveying thoughts all eloquent with your mouth can be fun and profitable! I’m not sure where or how but I’ve heard this from people wearing clothes much newer than mine. I’m almost positive you could find out somewhere how to do this.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

"Practicing abstinence, bride and groom have never kissed"

Who ARE these people??!!
And more importantly . . .Seemless readers can win a vhs copy of
Weird Science if they can guess the date that Claudaniel Fabien (the groom) comes out of the closet. (yeah, you read that right.....Claudaniel Fabien.)
sheesh . .why do i even look at the news anymore? Fuck.
some poor schmuck working as a temp at Walmart got his Christmas Greetings early this year. Thanks America! And keep shopping! You Fat Fucks!

OK OK, I'll try and get back on the Happy Train before i write again...but don't hold your breath.. i may be heading into the dark tunnel of truthiness here for awhile...but maybe not. the future is a vague place for sure. You Never Know.

PS..and why a vhs of
Weird Science? that was the first one i saw here in the pile that i didnt mind losing. OK? OK.

alright i'm off tonight to shoot another jazz show at Cafe Maude tonight. C'mon up if you're so inclined. Last nights was pretty damn good - and this from a guy not so into jazz so much kinda.


Friday, November 21, 2008

Today's Scores

PLUS Special Bonus Addendum!

Cubs 7
Dolphins 2

Sally Rogers 4
Travis Bickle 5

The Dead Sea 8
Swan Lake

Stuff that’s more perpendicular than you initially thought 5
Tommy John surgery 1

Ceramic protagonists 4
Semi dramatic underwear 3

Praising Allah 1
Waltzing Matildas 5

Tarzan 3
Mongo 8

The Herb Alpert Foundation 5
The Artie Miller Experience 6

your first carnival ride 4
Words that rhyme with Mussolini that aren’t pastas 2

Total Honesty 12
driving in your car alone and listening to songs on the radio that make you cry, whether out of sadness or happiness 8

Blondes 1
Brunettes 7

barbed wire 5
Barb Dwyer 3

Masturbating just for something to do 3
Alfieri, Bindo, Carlo, Ettore, Ernesto and Mario Maserati 2

Late bloomers 9
Early trousers 5

realizations that feel like a frying pan to the face 3
Pickup Sticks 8

Penis envy 5
Testicular cancer 2

Do not pass Go 3
Do not collect $200 1

Nymphomania 6
Lester Holt 2

Where Miller sometimes goes for inspiration while writing “Today’s Scores” 2
Jeopardy! 3

Stormy Monday 8
Ruby Tuesday 5

Going down 11
Getting up 0

So Yeah folks there are your scores for today. Who woulda thought masturbating for something to do would beat some italian brothers who make cars.
and now for the hell of it here are some outtakes from recent and not so recent Todays Scores...ones that didn't make the final cut for whatever reason.

Hillary Swank’s Publicist.
Getting that thing on your back removed.
Lining up end to end every toilet you’ve ever used, chronologically.

Sasha Obama
The economic pendulum
Moustache wax
The Great Patchouli Workplace Conflict
Birthdaygasms How the whole idea of Rosie O’Donnell has affected your life

Pakistanis When push comes to love Vinyl Cut Pro
the odds of hearing a Steeler's Wheel song on the radio that ISN'T "Stuck In The Middle With You".
French clothespins
Traversing the known Protracted inebriations
Head Feeling like the Best of the Fest and leaving like an honorable mention Purple

The Glasgow Menagerie Like kindergarten, only more so Letters of the alphabet that could be described as “curvy”.
Time, but without the numbers

Don Knotts Taking six weeks to pull off a band-aid Levitra takers who had a four hour erection but didn’t call their doctor
3 dead roses, for instance
Four sided triangles
Albanian panhandlers
Howard Roark

The third thingamajig from the right
Lithuanians who play Twister

Listening to Chaka Kahn sing “Sweet Thing” while dancing slow with your wife in a candlelit room.

Monday, November 17, 2008

hey miller

A SeemlessUniverse reader asks: hey Miller who are your influences? and i say theres alot but here's eight for starters. i'm sure I'll think of eight more some night when i haven't written shit for awhile and need to fill some space here and anyway Brian Regan is on Conan in a minute so i'm gonna hit 'publish post' and speaking of i think i'll let you all peak behind the curtain as it were here at Seemlessuniverse...this is what it looks like from here

so there

Saturday, November 8, 2008


OK here i am writing to explain why i haven't been writing of late.
I've got a big grant proposal due early next week I've been putting off for a variety of reasons we don't need to go in to here. But my head is on straight now Readers and I am diving into it. So I will be back at the blog again by late next week with the usual word-antics and whimsical thoughts regarding things and stuff. Trust me.
In the meantime here's a photo of my sis and her friend Maryann Moeller from years gone by.

yours truly
Coleman Miller
Assistant to the Junior Vice President, TeamMiller

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

A Happy Day!

Getting back on track.

good riddance.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Uso Justo playing in Venice (Filmmaker in attendance)

Venice Beach that is. So hey you southern California readers come on out.
its at 7 Dudley Cinema. this wednesday the 29th. 8 pm.
Appropriately at 7 Dudley Avenue.
I'll be there with bells on. maybe literally.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Michele Bachmann Calls SeemlessUniverse anti-American

ST. PAUL, Minn. (AP) _ Republican Rep. Michele Bachmann says she regrets using the term "anti-American" while discussing Coleman Miller's Blog Seemless Universe, a remark that could threaten her re-election bid.

Bachmann told the St. Cloud Times on Tuesday that she "made a big mistake" by going on MSNBC's "Hardball," a show she said she'd never seen before her appearance last week. Her statement to host Chris Matthews that Seemless Universe "may have anti-American views" drew condemnation and helped her opponent, Democrat Elwyn Tinklenberg, raise more than $1 million in just a few days.

Earlier in the day, Bachmann told St. Cloud Rotary Club members she would like to "take back" the statement.

"I did not say that Seemless Universe was anti-American, nor do I believe Seemless Universe is anti-American. Coleman Miller loves his country, just as everyone in this room does," she told the crowd. "Nor did I call for an investigation of members of the blogosphere for their pro-American or anti-American views. That is not what I said."

Miller could not be reached for comment as he is shooting a commercial for Target in the South of France. TeamMiller spokesperson Jim Williams had this to say: "Tinklenberg? ELWYN TINKLENBERG?!! Damn, Miller's gonna wish he'd thought of that one."

Bachmann said that while she didn't question Miller's patriotism, "I'm very concerned about Seemless Universe's views. I don't believe that socialism and nonsensical wordplay is a good thing for America. But then again I'm just a haggard old bitch from the suburbs with the curiosity of a doorstop so what do I know."

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Sound Unseen 9

The SoundUnseen Film Fest starts this week. Check it out. I saw a few screeners and it looks like a pretty good line up with something for everyone.
I watched a screener this week - Of All The Things, a doc on Dennis Lambert. Who the hell is Dennis Lambert you ask? He's a realtor living in Boca Raton. Sounds exciting so far, huh? It turns out this guy wrote the soundtrack to my life from junior high through high school. I don't think i ever bought one of his records but if you were near a radio in the 70's you've heard his work. Dennis Lambert was an 11-time Grammy-nominated songwriter and producer for the Four Tops (Ain't No Woman), Jefferson Starship (We Built This City), Player (Baby Come Back), Coven (One Tin Soldier), Hamilton, Joe Frank and Reynolds (Don't Pull Your Love), Tavares (It Only Takes A Minute) and The Commodores (Nightshift).
So now he's showing homes in Boca and it turns out he's big in the Philippines. REALLY big. His one solo album (which went nowhere) has the song Of All The Things on it and Filipinos are nuts for it. It's their unofficial Valentines song and young and old lovers just get all gushy thinking about it. He finally relinquishes and goes on a mini tour of the place. Things go well. sort of.
It screens this Saturday and Sunday at St. Anthony Main. Check the link for times.

Friday, October 17, 2008


Last Saturday was a Grand Opening for Ed Lentsch and the Artist League. I wish I could have invited everybody I know but it was a private thang mostly for Ed and his clients. There will be more parties here.
Anyway here is a very, very short clip of the event with an accent on my work being shown that night.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Saturday, October 4, 2008

in the interest of unfairness

In the interest of unfairness, the Senate today has passed an unprecedented resolution to spot the Chicago Cubs ten runs tonight in their game against the evil doers, the LA Dodgers.
"This should even out the playing field a little bit and make our baseball economy even more robuster than it was before", said Jack Reed (D - Rhode Island). "Those lovable Cubbies are down 2 games to zip. If our government isn't allowed to change the rules mid game then what chance does democracy and capitalism have?"
"C'mon!", added Arlen Spector.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Seemless Universe's $700 Billion Bailout Plan

As of today Seemless Universe and Frapulous Tranding, Inc. is offering a $700 Billion prize to anyone who can prove the existence of God.

Or the nonexistence.

Good Luck To All!

Today's Scores

Cubs 7
Brewers 3

Bo Schembechler 8
Fonzy 2

Curtis Mayfield 11
home field advantage 9

Joe Lieberman’s reasons 2
Soupy Sales 8

thoughts in the wee small hours 9
unsubstantiated fascinations 2

smoke signals 6
text messaging 0

reading existential paperbacks while vacationing in Patagonia 7
Jackson Pollack’s boundary issues 5

Wolfgang Puck 2
Hugh Beaumont 8

Fiddle Faddle 3
collecting and trading Sarah Palin pap smears 1

Transcendental vegetation 7
Your Tostitos Halftime Report 4

a statement that appears unrelated to a statement that it follows 3
nonsequitors 3

Jeff Koons 1
choking on your own vomit 5

the time that guy did that thing at the party 6
Morey Amsterdam 7

Roald Dahl’s James and the Giant Peach 7
Echo and the Bunnymen 6

Receiving the French Order of Merit for Illustrious Cowardice 2
Junior Varsity Cheerleaders 8

Candy stripers 3
Soda jerks 4

legally changing your name to Birdy Putz 2
vaguely wondering about that 6th grade “pinata incident” 11

canker sores 2
cannon fodder 7

Establishing your running game 5
wandering Jews 6

muttonchops 4
rabbit ears 6

making up names at your keyboard 8
Fartface Mcgee 7

eating cucumber sandwiches on the veranda while wearing and discussing clothes 2
Jerry Reed 8

metaphorical half-pints 5
“John Cage’s Adam’s apple” said ten times really fast 11

stereotypes 3
daguerreotypes 9

printing a dupe negative from your interpositive to save your original camera negative from wear and tear 8
tuna fish 3

Paul Newman 11
Ann Coulter’s dried up coochie 1

Monday, September 8, 2008

Bush Speaks

I've been noticing of late on broadcast TV a lot of sound problems. A couple weeks ago I watched a preseason football game (yes i really did) on Fox and a beautiful thing happened. The microphones on the announcers weren't coming through. At all. So i was able to enjoy the game hearing just the sounds on the field. They should do this for real. It made the game immensely more watchable.
Last week at the Republican Convention George Bush spoke via satellite to the crowd in St. Paul. NBC was airing it and we got to enjoy W's speech without the reaction of the crowd. A major mistake for the network but a coup for anyone who enjoys Out Of Context Theater. Here's a clip from the speech:

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Writing a Paragraph of Words

Writing a paragraph of words in a particular order is a thing a person can do. Almost a certain randomness is nice. And sometimes not so almost. Of course words written on a page in and of themselves are just angular and curvy doodles with a semblance of something a person might call order. Taking these words and translating them badly on the internet is also a thing a person can do.

The points of the words in a fragmentary order is a thing, that it can make a person. Contingency nearly determined is pleasant. And nearly not so sometimes. However the words, that they are written automatically in a side inside, are hardly angle irons and scratch. Which are with an appearance something a curvy person could designate order. These words to take and them translate are seriously also a thing the one person can to do in this internet.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Frustratingly Short Blog Post

So Dear Readers I was all excited to have a blog post entitled "Celebrity Names That Are Also Sentences" but i could only come up with one.

Norman fell.

Monday, August 18, 2008

another sculpture (silent)

here's a test to see how pixelated this shot gets on blogspot..
the shot looks damn good on my computer... very sharp, literally. Let's see if it holds up here on the blog. . . .

ten minutes later . . .
P.S. looks ok. a little sharpness gone but ok for a free video hosting site.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Scans From The Journals

So yeah i have lots and lots of journals piled up around here - might as well scan some and get it across this way, methinks. And ain't the written word just a bit more personal? Sure it's a bit more difficult to read (especially with my handwriting) but damn there's something so much more human about it. i think. and here you are reading this in Verdana 16 point . . . ..Sheesh.
ok i'm doing this quick as im about to head out. but maybe we'll see more handwritten stuff in the future.
the following are short...written about 3? years ago. and certainly not written for the blog...i just perused an old journal a couple minutes ago and hit scan.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Many go to l' Nut.

Seemless Universe Statcounter Update

Today someone from Germany found my site by googling "the crowd goes nuts".
and thank god he did (if you believe in that kinda thing) cuz i was just thinking i haven't blogged shit in awhile so here's the crowd goes nuts put through the super secret translator fun machine or (if you believe in that kinda thing)

i put the super secret translator fun machine through German, Japanese, Spanish, Dutch, Portugese, Korean, French, Chinese, Greek, Italian and Russian.
(Some of the translations were the same)

The crowd goes nuts.

The crowd goes the nuts.

Crowd goes the nut.

The crowd goes the walnuts.

The mob goes the walnuts.

Crowd goes nut.

The multitude goes the nut.

The multitude goes l' nut.

Many go to l' Nut.

And now here is the rest of the blog post from English to Italian and back:

Modernization of Statcounter dell' universe of Seemless

Today someone from the Germany has found my place googling the " the crowd goes nuts". and the God ringrazi that has made (if you believe as kind of what) cuz I were thinking hardly the haven't blogged for a po' thus in here' s the crowd goes nuts put with the excellent secret machine or of divertimento of the translator (if you believe as kind of the thing) I have made to pass the excellent secret machine of divertimento of the translator with German, Japanese, Spanish, Dutch, Portuguese, Korean, French, Chinese, Greek, Italian and Russian. (Some of the translations were the same ones)

Now some folks after reading this may say hey you didnt even write anything - you just translated some stuff and are passing this off as something.
Sheesh. Take it easy.

OK OK here's a few Todays Scores . .

Cubs 6
Houston 2

Mark Twain 8
Jeff Beck’s ear canal 2

External links 1
The Sea of Tranquility 6

The amount of time it would take to rotoscope the entire 1969 World Series 5
Bulgarian Dissidents 4

Ali vs. Frazier 8
The median income 3

The invention of Nylon 9
Catfish Hunter 7

What to think when someone tells
Chirixalus laevis is NOT a species of frog 4
Peter Gent’s best catch 11

off color stories from the set of Bonanza 5
Ole Miss 1

Malcolm X 10
mimes 1

The major creative influences of SuperDave Osborne 3
Benign prostatic hyperplasia 2

Huckleberry Finn 8
rejecting the Italian bel canto tradition and the French "spectacle opera" 6

gallows humor 7
Air horns 6

The century and a half before the Portugese arrived in Togo 4
Liquid Prell 8

Looking interested in what they’re saying 2
Spaghetti and meatballs 9

Surrendering to authorities 1
silly string 6

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Who's Hiring? my (recent) resume

Emergency Insulation Installer
(July 2008)
1. Cut insulation to length.
2. Placed and stapled into where it goes.
4. Attention to detail.
5. People skills.

Weed Puller (July 2008)
1. Found Weeds.
2. Pulled Weeds.
3. Put Weeds in bags.
4. Self starter.
5. Instituted new Weed pulling technique, wherein you wrap your college diploma around the Weed first, so as to get a better grip, then pull upward while turning the diploma counter clockwise. This new method was integrated and proven to get 27% more root. Was awarded employee of the afternoon.
6. Intermediate Landscape Philosophizing.
7. Attention to detai.

High School Teacher (June 23rd, 2008 - June 24th, 2008)
(Details available upon request)

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Bruce Conner

On Monday afternoon I received a phone call from Bruce Conner's assistant and to be honest the second i heard Henry's voice I knew. Bruce had died that morning. I didn't know the man well so i don't have any great Bruce Conner stories to relay to you. But i can tell you in his final years he championed a short film I had made and did his best to show it to as many of his friends as possible. For this I am immensely appreciative.
This story starts in 1979 - my first year of film school. In the C&P (Cinema & Photography) Department at Southern Illinois University I had two classes taught by Mike Covell. One of these was a History of Experimental Film. Now i had gone to film school to make comedies in the vein of Mel Brooks and Monty Python so this class was a bit of a rub. At first. Plus i was a young kid from Elgin, Illinois and knew Nothing about experimental film. What WAS this shit? If these were "Art Films" then Fuck Them.
Then, in that same Experimental Film class I saw Bruce Conner's Take the 5:10 to Dreamland and Valse Triste and all bets were off. The image of that little girl bouncing that ball on the sidewalk in Take the 5:10 to Dreamland will stay with me forever.

Cut to 25 years later and I had just completed Uso Justo. I sent a copy to my friend and ex boss at Monaco Video, John Carlson. He liked it enough to tell me that he was presently working with Bruce at the lab transferring his films and asked if he could show it to him.
"Yeah that would be great." (f-ing understatement)
Cool. Bruce Conner's watching my film.
A few weeks later i get a call. It's the man himself and he's telling me how much he enjoys the film and he's been showing it to some of his friends. To me this was like winning the Lottery, Wimbledon and the Super Bowl. Getting a phone call from one of your heroes is a pretty nice thing.
Since then we've spoken on the phone numerous times and he invited me to his home when i was out in San Francisco last March. We spent a couple hours talking film and old SF stories...him doing light shows 40 years ago at the Avalon, his disdain of "that singer for the Doors" and his love of Janis. We watched a film he had just completed. (Easter Sunday was edited from stuff he had shot in the 60's.)
A great visit that day and I'll leave it at that.
A few weeks later he sent me a check and a list of friends he wanted me to send copies of Uso Justo. A few weeks later another list. To say the least, the names on these lists were pretty impressive. Again, I'll leave it at that.
For those unfamiliar with his work (and there was plenty of it besides film... drawing, sculpture, painting, collage, photography) I encourage you to check it out. To say the least he wasn't big on having his films online (for obvious reasons) so i will not link to any of these. (But here is a link to other blogger's more eloquent than myself writing about him.)
Bruce Conner personally helped me get this film into the right hands and I'll be forever grateful. He was the Master of Found Footage and i was lucky to meet the man if only for a short time.

Thanks Bruce. For your films, your art and your support.

Monday, July 7, 2008

I'm more popular in the upper left part of the planet

yes, i can keep track of all you readers out there in the worldwide internet thingy.
you can't surreptitiously just stop by. I'm on to you.
Hey IP addresses -,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Thanks for stopping by!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Fucking With Fox II

In the land of the blind . . .

the seemlessness of it all

Notice anything different?
Yeah, I flunked around in the blogspot site and found some new layout options. This will most likely be changing as the days go on but here's a start.
OK i have to get back to writing cover letters and finding high paying creative jobs on Craigslist.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

editors note: The management of Seemless Universe (a subsidiary of Frapulous Tranding, Incorporated) would like to apologize for the writer’s recent outbursts about troubled teens and his estimation of youth in general. His opinions are solely his own and do not express the views of Frapulous Tranding, Inc. We here at FraTrink believe all people are just little darlings no matter what their age or capacity for rational thought.

We feel confident Miller’s writing will continue to delight and amuse in the same fashion it has since its inception and in no way will be effected by his recent ordeal.

Thank you and God Bless

Lerner T. Squall
Assistant Junior Vice President
Frapulous Tranding, Incorporated

Todays Scores

Cubs 7
Orioles 4

children 3
A Big Stick 11

blank, vacant looks 14
America’s future 1

Holography 6
Argentine Tango dancers 7

words that rhyme with indifference 5
Sunshine 9

Babysitting 6
Teaching 2

Marvin Hamlisch 2
Prussians 6

assisting in the fabrication of removable prosthodontic appliances 3
Amherst College 7

theoretical physics 4
Tab Hunter 3

One Great Student 6,928,247,992
The rest of them 1

two ocean-going research vessels 6
Felix Mendelssohn 6

Stupidity 12
Reason 1

Watching your soul turn into a seven pound piece of coal in the matter of 30 hours 3
Extricating yourself in time 42

Colonial Rule 2
Rin Tin Tin's morning breath 8

bundt cake 6
Typing werds like
frapulous tranding on your keyboard and then having people you don’t even know read it 19

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

My (short) Life As a High School Teacher

OK I don't talk too much about what is going on in my real life much but here goes....
last month i got a position teaching high school video at a charter school here in mpls.
to make a long story short, yesterday was my first day.
Today was my last.
I will start by saying 1 in 6 of the students were great!.... interested in filmmaking and attentive. Also 1 in 6 were mildly interested. That leaves the 4 in 6 or (2/3) that were little blank faced troubled teens or attitude copping troubled teens that made the whole classroom experience a living hell. I knew it was trouble when after the first day my assignment for them became: Bring a Pen.
This baby-sitting part of the job I was not prepared for.
And to be honest I just may not have the skills or the patience for this type of work.
A person has to know their limitations.
But the biggest realization i had during this experience is that i have to get to work making films, not teaching.

Todays Scores

Kids 1
Miller 0

(added 2 hours later):
i just got back from having a couple beers with my friend Holster at a local watering hole. Sitting outside where we met a great couple in their 60's? and had wonderful conversation on many subjects - a very pleasant hour.
But being such a recent escapee, it might be biasing my opinion.

(added 8 hours later)
Addendum PART II
Some people have been asking me "What's the name of this school?"
I won't print that here - let's just it call it Teen Attica.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Todays Scores

Cubs 11
White Sox 7

Romeo 5
Henry Mancini 2

Radical Islamists 1
Fruity Pebbles 7

hammocks 12
Quicktime 3

Dancing With The Stars 1
shin splints 2

the corner of 38th & Bloomington 5
Caddyshack 12

Bell & Howell 11
Ferrante & Teicher 3

eating dinner on the porch 16
cable TV 0

rectangles that start with the letter B 5
waiting in the movie theater for a loud part so you can open your beer without being heard 7

The Number Five 2
vague intergalactic polar opposites 6

a minute from now 4
Norm Crosby 3

Films made in 1959 that Stanley Kubrick never saw 3
Times New Roman 9

E.B. White 5
Ferndogs 8

Argentine literature 5
Montreal 2

calendar years starting on a Wednesday other than 1727 3
Cannonball Adderley 5

having something on your body that could be described as “fungal” 3
party balloons 15

A Confederacy of Dunces 21
Pizza Hut 2

tiny miniature moose 5
inside jokes 7

Monday, June 16, 2008

more photos from the box

OK here's yet another photo i grabbed while I was back in Elgin. I have no idea who these folks are but it was sure a bright day as evidenced by the little girl blocking out the sun with her arm. And the shadows, of course.
I haven't been blogging too much of late as some of you may have noticed. I'm trying to get ready for some high school summer classes I'm teaching starting next week. Video production & animation. whoo boy. it's one thing to do it. quite another to teach.
I'd say I'll probably learn more than the kids but that wouldn't say much for my teaching skills so I won't.

I got an interesting phone call last weekend from Dean Stockwell. He called to tell me he had his friend Dennis Hopper over the night before and they were watching my film (
Uso Justo) and getting quite a kick out of it. Probably not as much of a kick as I got out of receiving his phone call but maybe.
Either way it was pretty nice of him to call and let me know this. Kinda made my day.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Wing Park, Elgin, IL.

Here's another shot culled from that box of photos back home. (Blogspot will only let you upload images 8mb or lower, which is a shame with this shot.) This looks like Wing Park on the west side of Elgin. I used to wade in this creek myself in the 60's. From the cars I'm guessing this is maybe the 30's? All the moms out there cooling their kids down. A nice shot of a much simpler time. Do yourself a favor and double click on the photo for a closer view.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Children's books are funny sometimes

ok so i buy old books and cut them up for all sorts of (artistic?) reasons.
one of those reasons is that a local restaurant owned by my good friend Kevin hired me to make their check presenters. I cut the pages out and just use the hardback cover for these. I also use the old school paper pouch/sleeve? that libraries had affixed inside the front cover - used to show when your book was due back, etc. These make perfect sleeves for the bill/credit card to slide in to.
Today I was working on some of these - perusing this children's book before i took the Exacto to it..and well, probably the less said the better here . . .

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Scenic views of Elgin, IL

As I wrote in an earlier post, I came across some old family photos recently. This one's of my grandparents on my father's side (go figure). Here we see Martha And Frank enjoying a late night game of "How Many Orifices Can I Fill With Cigarettes?". As per the rules of How Many Orifices Can I Fill With Cigarettes? the loser is obligated to hit the winner in the head with a bottle. The "winner" is only allowed to use their upper arms to try and block the blows to his or her head. It's a weird game yes, but i think it explains alot.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Unidentified Male

Was back home for a few days this weekend (road trip = good for the soul) and found some old family photos so you might be seeing these in the coming futre. (in the future you can't use the same letter twice in one word).
Here's one of my mom in college with some guy. First off, nice framing here. I'm not kidding, I think it adds to the shot.
I have no idea who unidentified male is and no nothing of their relationship, but the smirk on my mom's face speaks volumes don't ya think?
I like to believe this is how she felt in general about dating guys before she met Artie. (or Dad as he is know by some.)

Thursday, May 15, 2008

how this thing got it's name

Was looking through some old journals last night and thought this might be relevant to the blog

Monday, May 12, 2008

Random lines from the idiot box last night between 9:15 and 9:30 or Class: The Most Interior Room

David Zelisky's been kidnapped.
Evista should not be taken with estrogens.

Oh I love God. He's so deliciously evil


The most interior room in it's class

I went out to get groceries. When i came back David was gone.

In this fast paced world isn't it nice

Just $209 a month

an american revolution


1. Law & Order
2. evista ad
3. Stewie from Family Guy
4. NBC promo for Law & Order SVU
5. Hyandai? ad
6. Law & order
7. KFC ad
8. toyota ad
9. Chevy ? ad
10. NBC promo for ER

Monday, May 5, 2008


Pepin, Wisconsin

This Saturday night (May 10) I've been invited down to Pepin, WI to show some films at their Spring Film and Music Event.
The band Happy Apple is playing after the films and i hear they are pretty good so check it out if you are in the area.
The event is being sponsored by the fine folks at the Lake Pepin Art & Design Center and takes place at the Pepin Lion's Club! I could use a night at a Lion's Club. And who knows..maybe about 2 in the morning we'll have a carload of drunk Lions & film fans driving across town to the Elk's Club to paint "Elk Suck - Lion's Rule!!" on the side of their building.
Of course i'm not promising anything and as a disclaimer I personally have nothing against Elk. Really. Some of my best friends are Elk.

ADDENDUM: Just got a call from the folks in Pepin,WI and the venue has been changed to
The Lake Pepin Art & Design Center (408 Second Street...715.442-4442 ). Something about not being able to sell beer or wine at the Lion's club. I'm glad we got that settled.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008


Famous Movie Cameras Series

Q: What Would Zapruder Shoot?
A: The Model 414 PD 8 mm Bell & Howell Zoomatic Director Series movie camera

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Todays Scores

Cubs 8
Mets 1

Roy Orbison 9
gyroscopes 2

Max Planck 5
Indian Summer 6

argyle socks 3
chin music 1

the clarinet (for instance) 5
orderliness 2

euphemisms 3
trailing by one with 8 seconds left 2

orchestrated dysfunction 4
Scottsdale, Arizona 0

Rods 3
Cones 8

accelerating into 3rd gear 8
The Sisters Karamazov 7

turpentine hats 12
Mozart's fashion sense 3

writer's block 13
Karen Valentine 7

habeus corpus 8
Chuck Barris 10

running late 4
itchy fingers 6

sportcoats 5
girl trouble 3

Genghis Khan 2
soup 9

Thursday, April 17, 2008

The Folks Who Gave Me Their DNA

from wikipedia: During the 1700s, Dutch microscopist Antonie van Leeuwenhoek (1632-1723) discovered "animalcules" in the sperm of humans and other animals. Some scientists speculated they saw a "little man" (homunculus) inside each sperm. These scientists formed a school of thought known as the "spermists". They contended the only contributions of the female to the next generation were the womb in which the homunculus grew, and prenatal influences of the womb. An opposing school of thought, the ovists, believed that the future human was in the egg, and that sperm merely stimulated the growth of the egg. Ovists thought women carried eggs containing boy and girl children, and that the gender of the offspring was determined well before conception.
However you look at it - without these two getting together you'd be looking at an empty page right now.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Todays Scores

Cubs 7
Pirates 3

Snoop Dog 8
Winston Churchill 5

Sandy Koufax 5
The Periodic Table 7

Joan Baez 3
rectal thermometers 8

Kentucky Derby 7
Skywalker Ranch 9

Nikola Tesla 11
Thomas Edison's soiled diapers 1

papercuts 3
Doris Day 8

congruent angles 4
Rasputin 11

Jack Lemmon's performance in
Good Neighbor Sam 11
Grateful Dead lyrics 13

good friends 7
everything else 1

Bedford-Stuyvesant 6
Electric Light Orchestra 2

Denmark 7
persistence of vision 5

facing death 8
indoor plumbing 6

Sigourney Weaver 5
cartoon penguins 3

why you're still reading this 7
George Clooney's worst day 4

the whole idea of it all
shade 9

The Rapture 11
Spaghettio's 2

puppies 12
vehicular manslaughter 3

Man Ray 20
trousers 11

Western Civilization 5
Handi Wipes 2

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

random sentences.

Dancing cigarettes are harder to light.

Mediocrity is fine!

On Thursdays Velma Twinger always made time to chat with the older dolphins, even though their indifference to her night scrapbooking class made V feel somewhat melancholy.

I don't mind church services but i'd like them more if they just happened once every ten years as a reenactment.

Most people wouldn't even bother reading this sentence if they knew beforehand it was just going to end like this.

$13,457,601,882.13 is faster to write than thirteen billion, four hundred and fifty seven million, six hundred and one thousand, eight hundred and eighty two dollars and thirteen cents.

But as the crow flies, this sentence is even shorter.

The previous random sentence has little or no meaning depending on how the preferences on your computer are set, but as this blog is not about explaining itself and more about the fun-ness of words and image i would be remiss to not mention that 82% of art is rectangular.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

a dozen colorful films

The Pink Panther
Blue Velvet I am Curious Yellow White Chicks A Clockwork Orange Grey Gardens The Brown Bunny Marooned The Color Purple The Boy With Green Hair Red Desert Men In Black 2

Friday, March 28, 2008

dumpster diving for triptychs

so yesterday found me and my bloggy friend Holster knee deep in his neighbors dumpster. Shawn had already scavenged around the perimeter earlier in the week and discovered some potential there so it was up to yours truly to get in there and dig out the guts. Always wear boots and gloves when dumpster diving. ok sometimes you don't have those on ya so go with what you got. anyway our anonymous photographer seemed to like to go out and photograph cars. and alot of these negs were cut in threes. soooooo....triptychs it is.
check further posts when i may break out the scissors and then . . . . .diptychs!
which brings up the old idea of a halloween costume...strap two pieces of art to your chest and go as a Total Diptych.

technical/artistic addendum: if you look close you can get a glimpse of our photographer in the side mirror of his car. and yes i did some iDodging and iBurning to get him to come out a bit in those mirrors.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Monday, March 10, 2008

Today's Scores

Cubs 4
Twins 2

Ernie Kovacs 13
Stan Brakhage 1

West Aurora 3

Totie Fields 8

Lew Alcindor 5

Ornithology 1

Asians 4
Cleavon Little 8

Alexander Calder 10
mustard 2

The Spanish Inquisition 13
sporks 9

Steven Wright 11
Tuesday 5

sprocketholes 7
John Cage 8

Jerry Garcia 2
Bjorn Borg 1

Big Macs 3
pointillism 2

The Eighteenth Hole at Pebble Beach 5
Todd Farwell 9

God 2
Verbs 3

E pluribus unum 5
Youtube 1

wallpaper removal 17
Tucumcari, New Mexico 6

Professor Irwin Corey 11
your middle name 3

film 16
1963 4

what happens when you die 11
Arkansas Razorbacks 2

Elgin, Illinois 15
fake poop 6

prayer 7
Christopher Walken's dentist 3

Napoleon 9
Pia Zadora 7

Monday, March 3, 2008

Educational films & 16mm disembodied frictionHands . . . .

Friday, February 29, 2008

Thursday, February 21, 2008

double Spanish burton

Some descriptions in the dictionary are short.

(ver ba tim), adv. 1. in exactly the same words, word for word.
Rauschenberg (roushen burg). n. Robert, born 1925, U.S. artist.

Some descriptions in the dictionary aren't short so much.
double Spanish burton, a tackle having the load suspended from one of two single running blocks, supported both by the fall, which is rove through it, and by one end of a runner which is rove through the standing block and which supports at it’s other end the other running block, made in two ways, either with the standing end of the fall attached to a fixed point beside the running block, or with the fall rove through the standing block and attached to the running block, supporting the load, with a mechanical advantage of four and five, neglecting friction.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Archive: Back in the Day Series. (Photo # 327D)

Here's a picture of yours truly back in the days before email (remember those?).
it was a kinder, gentler time. maybe. this was taken back in the day when photos were taken with film. (a cellulose nitrate or acetate made in thin sheets or strips and coated with a light sensitive emulsion.) It came in perforated rolls and you would thread it into your camera. After taking a shot you would have to, and get this! MANUALLY wind the film through the camera in order to get to the next section of unexposed emulsion. Also when you took a photo there was no deleting it if you didnt like it. Once you popped the shutter you were committed. In fact you couldnt even SEE your shots until you were done with the entire roll and had it processed. AND printed.
Stay tuned for further ruminations on How We've Changed In This LifeTime!
Next week...The Dial Telephone.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

branding coleman miller

While floundering around here in the job hunt one creative director, after seeing my work, told me i had to market myself. This guy was great. He actually returned my calls! (If you're reading this sir, it's most appreciated) (He's not reading this..too busy making a living as a CREATIVE DIRECTOR) Now THAT sounds like a great job. But who knows..damn i am so lost as to how those places work i might as well be applying for work on Mars. As a glurnatologist. and i have no formal training in glurnatology. just a passing interest really. but i digress.
"aw shucks you guys I'm not lookin' for a handout... just a hand".
it's starting to look like im gonna have to do this the old fashioned way. DIY.
yeah thats it. by this time next year I'll have produced my first Super Bowl commercial, I'll be living in my Laurel Canyon house with my superspokesmodel wife and our three superspokeskids and I'll be driving a classic 1965 cherry red Asti Spumante.
Yeah, I got it all figured out.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

drilling for oil in a goldmine

Have been busy looking for work in this world and not feeling that bloggy so it’s been awhile yes readers searching for the almighty dollar and whatever that entails trying to market myself in a world of commercialism and commercials and the ordinary after spending a life believing in the unordinary (the more unordinary the better!). Trying to get my foot in the door of where the money is. Showing my art to the man and getting less than exhuberant reactions. Rethinking skills and making the jump as it were.
Damn. Something will give soon, it has to. If anybody out there who has seen my work and knows of a company/person who could use these skills -let me know. Housepainting and demolition work is taking it’s toll on this 48 year old body. Rather use my brain for awhile.
Looking for work . . .Feels like I’m drilling for oil in a goldmine.
so yeah this taking up my time so might be posting more visual stuff for a spell instead of words . . .comes easier to me these days.