25 Reasons Why Or Why Not Or Just Because of

Nightcrawlers ate my homework.

God stopped me at the corner of Slade and Augusta and asked me directions to the nearest napkin.

That dang noun verbed all over my adjectives again!

Salamanders with heads the size of refrigerators cannonballed into Carl Sagan’s meatball flotilla, I swear.

Was over at Holster’s occasionally getting a word in edgewise.

Vague and peculiar skywriting left the entire county in a perplexed frame of bodymind.

The ice cream monsters kidnapped Phil’s seven iron.

The whore gods made me do things.

After watching a special on magic the night before, I spent the entire day in line at city hall to change my name to The Magnificent Splendido.

My cable went on.

A naked (but not without his charms) straggler needed directions to the furthest train station.

Wisconsin blabbermouths vandalized Herbie’s Erhlacher Jersey.

LifeGrenades went off in my head area.

Was up all night writing sentences with little or no correlation to the subject at hand.

Three words: World Menstruation Day.

Freshly graduated High School students cared little for my explanation regarding light waves and shade.

The bigger they are the harder they can hit you.

Had to mop the projection booth after Weird Stanley’s thought balloons exploded all over my 16mm print of Thermometers: How They Help Us.

Fermilab’s discovery of the Good Riddance molecule took up all my bandwidth.

Sarah’s postcard told me things I didn’t need to know, although she apparently still wishes I was there.

Was busy wandering the attics of my neighbor’s mind.

Before they let me go with a warning, I had to explain to the cops why there was a dead White Sox fan in my trunk.

Never mix hemoglobin and riboflavin!

Had to explain to me 84 year old father that taking down the storm windows and putting up the screens does not take as much planning or anxiety as the invasion at Normandy.

Was up all night with a sick davenport.